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The Art of being Un-Forgiven

In this month of Shawwal, going by the custom of the Singapoean Muslims, we go around visiting relatives wishing them the best of Eid, and for forgiveness for our past mistakes, in the words, “Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir Batin.” There are variations as to the manner these words are said. Some say it as a sort of greeting, some say it as parting words, some say it with hugs and kisses, some smile, some cry, some go on their knees begging it.

Well, whatever the manner of apologising, most would get “forgiveness” in the same manner. Well…there are variations too. There are the ones who go, “oh ye..sama-sama ye” (oh yeah, right back at ya). And there are the ones who say, “I ask for the same too. That you pardon me for all my past mistakes, make halal (permit) the food and drinks that I have partaken. Also for the times I’ve stabbed you in the back and called you names…for the public humiliation and mental tortures. And for taking away the one thing that meant everything to you in your life … i’m sorry about those too…” NOT!!! Well…alright. I guess it could happen in the spirit of celebration…8P

Well, what if…what if we’ve hurt someone so badly that they are permanantly marred…That when the world look at them today, they only see a mean, angry, ruined, fumbling, pessimistic idiot. Can a simple apology cut it? Is an “I’m sorry” enough to magically heal all that deep gashes that we had afflicted that person with? Does it suddenly nullify all our previous unethical actions and insolence?

Thus said, where is our right to demand forgiveness? We ask for forgiveness, beg for it if must, but the thing is, earning forgiveness takes time. For all those people who make it a habit it to go around brazenly saying Maaf Zahir Batin without a second thought, I say stop and think. I’m not saying stop saying it. Just give it some thought before you say it. And then say it with conviction. Don’t say sorry unless you mean it. Tell why you’re sorry.  And if you mean it, keep at it. Not do it just once a year and expect to be forgiven.

And for those in the forgiving mood…good for you. Everything is easier said than done. We’re but humans and if you forgive me, I’d say you’re a true friend and a kind soul. For you can be sure I’d do it again and again…quite unintentionally of course. Coz that’s what happens when poor wits acquire an unguarded tongue.

Eid…what does it mean?

Well obviously, Eid is a day of celebration. A day we thank God for all that He has provided us. For every grain of rice, every thirst He quenches, every smile on people’s faces and so on. We celebrate this day with prayers, joined by our loved ones, because God has promised that He’ll answer every prayer made during the Eid Prayers.

Older relatives are extra charitable on the day of Eid, providing feasts and giving little treats (called cash) to the young and old. (We middle aged ones partake of the food and are thankful it’s a holiday.)

It’s the 6th day of Syawwal, and eid is nearly a week old. All my limbs are aching and even my husband, ‘The-Hyper-Eid-Man’, complains of back ache and head ache. We have fantasticly over-done the celebrating part and had carried our two children to over 10 houses in the name of ‘ber-raya’ (celebrating). Now this, has nothing to do with religion. It’s just part of the many Malay customs that we follow, in fear that we might step on some invinsible toes and get ourselves in fix with the senior citizens. Even with our aching limbs to prove that we have been ‘ber-raya-ing’, we still get an earful from the elders for not doing enough of beraya-ing…close friends can see me rolling my eyes now…coz oh give me a break! Who on earth does celebration by doing cross-country for 5 days! (not to mention…) while hauling around two babies!

My poor ‘Eid Man’ has always enjoyed Eid in Singapore coz the 1st year we returned, I was the only pregnant one. Last year I was the only pregnant one, and the only one who can pacify the crying baby. But this year…this year, he suddenly realises that he is a parent of two crying, uncooperative baby boys, and that he has to visit my side of the family too…Haha sweet victory…

oh my aching back…

Love n Friendship quotes

Don’t cry over anyone who won’t cry over you.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

You can only go as far as you push.

Actions speak louder than words.

The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.

Don’t let the past hold you back; you’re missing the good stuff.

Life’s short. If you don’t look around once in a while, you might miss it.

A best friend is like a four leaf clover: hard to find and lucky to have.

If you think that the world means nothing, think again. You might mean the world to someone else. 

When it hurts to look back, and you’re scared to look ahead, you can look beside you and your best friend will be there

True friendship never ends.

My friend is he who will tell me my faults in private. 

Good friends are like stars….You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there.

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be anywhere else..

What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?

NOBODY IS PERFECT UNTIL YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM. (Isn’t that the truth?)

The language of friendship is not words but meanings. 

Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart.

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives

What will Matter

What will Matter

Author: Michael Josephson

Ready or not, some day it will all come to an end.
There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.
All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.
Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.
It will not matter what you owned or what you were owed.
Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.
So too, your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do lists will expire.
The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.
It won’t matter where you came from or what side of the tracks you lived on at the end.
It won’t matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant.
Even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter? How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built; not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you’re gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is how long you will be remembered, by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesn’t happen by accident.
It’s not a matter of circumstance but of choice.
Choose to live a life that matters.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

The Trail

THE TRAIL

I pursued a butterfly from a patch

Into the woods it soared and sailed

Then fluttering, it took its way

Soon I stood alone, I know not where.

I found a path, one trodden well

I followed it, as best I may

But in the dark, I stumbled and fell

Head on a swamp, in dankly dismay

Shivering now, I scrambled along

Grazing from scrubs, trees and thorns

Till I arrived on a moonlit moor

To Him who aids, I turn to pray

Dawn breathed freshness, a meadow, a lake

A deer grazing at the hill’s dale

I scrubbed what dried as best I may

To seek someone to show the way

I took to the meadow in prayer I quest

No turns or bends will I myself test

Till I find the path I had trodden before

To return to the patch that once I came from

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